WRITING YOUR LIFE'S SCRIPT

They say when it's time for someone to go, they see their life flashing before their eyes like some sort of a movie. I know death is a dark thought to entertain this beginning of a post about living a full life with, but that thought is exactly what inspires me to live a life I'm going to enjoy watching in the end. One with funny, sad, exciting, and proud moments. Since I don't follow a religion, I came up with my own guidelines for living a full life:

Be an embarrassment.
Don't be afraid to embarrass yourself even when you're sober. Not only will your embarrassing moments inflate your laughing stock, but you might actually get something out of them. Somebody tipped me 20 cents during one of my drunk dances at a bar. Another time somebody offered me a job...though it didn't fit into my envisioned career path. You should find a similar habit for yourself as soon as possible.

Don't hold back on looking great.
Get yourself a gym membership, take a shower, and get some nice clothes. I don't want to look at my life flashing before my eyes, thinking about how huge my love handles are. If all things fail, I may even result to borrowing money for a liposuction and working on a corner to pay it back when I look prostitution-worthy. The point is never give up on your looks. Also: never take me as a role model.

Keep your friends closer and closer.
Your friends are your chosen family. They inspire you to make all types of decisions from pole dancing at a bar (for no pay) to going after your dream job. Trust the ones who stop you from going to bed with a goblin you met at a bar and always make time to see what crazy journeys they can take you on.

Have some marvellous sex.
Don't leave sex scenes with genuine orgasms out of your movie. Instead of shivering in a cold bed alone, find someone who can make your toes shiver. Give someone an orgasm you'd want to watch them have again, and fill your secret drawer with toys that'd make Christian Grey blush. Make your sex life a movie worth watching on its own.

Love starts with yours truly. 
You shouldn't hang all your hopes on being happy only when you find love. Start by finding inner love for yourself. Care for yourself the way you imagine someone caring for you and do the things you want to do. Love will follow eventually...it did for me ;)

Laughing heals!
Whether it's silly YouTube videos or your own imagination, there's always something for you to laugh at...even your misery if you turn it on its head. Whenever my client meetings turn into fifty shades of 'cray-cray' I remind myself of funny moments like the time when I danced to 'What a feeling' by Irene Cara at Dubai's airport with my shoes off. If you ever come across such a video online, please send me the link. Oh and you cannot unread that last part.

Challenge the known.
Don’t take anything for granted. Ask why's and why not's to see if something really makes sense. Do some research and find out more about what you thought you already knew or debate with people you disagree with. You might end up going to bed with one of them and regretting it the next morning, but on the plus side, you didn't spend the night watching Netflix while stuffing your face with junk food. You actually burned calories.

Help someone.
I know helping someone may sound expensive, but it really doesn't have to be. Sometimes a smile is enough to save someone's life. You’ll feel better about yourself after helping others and in case sex out of wedlock turns out to be a bad thing, good deeds can count in your favour. 

Build your career.
You should find out what you're good at and put it to good use. Everybody has something that helps them succeed. Some people have the looks for modelling, others like me have the looks for a career as a cynical writer who sits in a dark office behind a screen all day. Figure out what job your appearance is suitable for.

These are a few of many guidelines I have for my life to make sure it'll be one heck of a movie one day, given that I can't write a script for it. I hope you found this post useful for your own life or at least got a good laugh out of it. If not, I have this joke for you:

"Two peanuts were walking down the road and one was a salted"

If you didn't get that joke, I hope you can still appreciate how committed I am to making you laugh. I'm done, I swear.

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